The Quest..

Now it is time for a little story..
Once upon a time there was a brave warrior who returned home from a distant land after journeying there for two years. Now that this mighty warrior was back in his homeland, he was ready to take studying at the local school seriously. But at this prestigious place, students could only enter at certain times of the year and right now was not one of those times. While waiting for the proper time he decided to start his study at the local religious institute in order to help prepare himself even more and of course to prevent himself from getting too bored. While in class at this institute one day he noticed the most beautiful maiden he had ever seen, sitting across the room from him. He would love to be able to go and talk with her, but at the time she was animately talking with another man in the class. Because of this he decided to wait for another opportunity to talk with her. The time slowly passed and the maiden was constantly arriving and leaving class in the company of the same man and the warrior never found an opportunity to introduce himself to her. Eventually the class ended and the warrior was disappointed in the fact that he had never talked to her.
Then the time arrived that the warrior could begin his study at the prestigious school near his home and soon became involved in his studies, as well as working at a local pub. Occasionally he would see the maiden there at the school, but he would just be reminded the time he had failed to talk to her before and would be too ashamed to try again this time. Even though every time afterward he would resolve to do it the next time he saw her.
More time passed and the annual break in studies for the summer season arrived. The warrior then had a grand time working with many young people, helping them in a time of their lives when decisions were beginning to become so important. He met many wonderful people there and learned much about himself as well.
When the time arrived for his studies to begin again, he had all but forgotten about the fair maiden. He found his heart wandering from one girl to the next never really finding what he was looking for in any of them. Then, one day fate intervened. There she was walking toward him, his heart started pounding and he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up in excitement. He prepared himself to sweep her off her feet with his wit and charm, but when the moment arrived all he could manage to do was smile at her. She smiled back and continued on her way, while he dropped his head in frustration.
Then one day something wonderful happened, one of the new friends he had made was a very close associate of this maiden and she agreed to help the warrior to finally begin wooing the maiden. But whenever he followed-up with his friend about her progress, all she could say to him was, "No, I haven't talked to her yet, I've been busy." This only made the heartache of the warrior grow within him. He was so close to meeting the maiden! But it did not seem to actually be happening.
Then the glorious day finally arrived! With the help of his friend he finally talked to the maiden and even obtained a way to call upon her whenever he desired.
He then proceeded with trying to court this beautiful maiden. They first went to a concert to celebrate the coming holiday. The music was beautiful, but the warrior could barely concentrate on it, because of who was sitting next to him. The whole time he wanted to hold her hand or put his arm around her, but was too nervous about her reaction to actually do it. It's was glorious and filled the warrior with joy.
The next time, they went with friends adventuring at a local store. This was as well an enjoyable time, but the in the end the warrior was again too nervous to touch her.
The time then came for the end of studies for the year. All were busy studying for the final exams in many of their classes, including the warrior and the maiden. The warrior only heard from the maiden one time during that week.
After the last exam was finished, it was now time for the annual festival of giving. This time was a busy time for everyone, but the warrior stilled tried his best to call upon the maiden whenever he could. The problem was that the maiden was never available when the warrior called upon her. He wasn't sure what needed to be done, the maiden was ignoring him for some reason and he had no idea why.
The festival came and went but the warrior found his enjoyment of it limited, all he had on his mind was the maiden and what had happened. He made up excuses to rationalize his fears, but they never went away. He asked his friends about the maiden, but none of them had the answers he sought.
What was he to do? Had the maiden lost interest in him, because of his nervousness around her? Or had something else happened that could explain everything away? The warrior did not know, neither did he know what could be done to find the answer, except continuing to call upon the maiden and wait upon her to answer the questions he had...

Freedom..

So the other day I was watching an episode of the letterman show after watching the nightly news..after the opening monologue given by letterman..the thought came to me.."they show this sort of stuff on tv and then people sit there and wonder why nobody likes the US.." I think that's our main problem right there..people have gotten so used to making fun of others that they sometimes don't even realize just how hurtful they are actually being..
When someone speaks out about this sort of stuff..the accused will then pull out that wonderful 1st amendment excuse and say that they can say and do whatever they want because of this..that in my opinion is one of the lamest excuses one can make..
They are pretty much saying that they can say and do whatever they want no matter how hurtful it is to others..now this protection of course doesn't extend to physically harming someone..and technically doesn't to emotional or mental harm..but how can anyone prove that emotional harm has occurred?
I guess what I'm trying to say that freedom isn't free..not just in the way it is obtained, through bloodshed and sacrifice..but it also comes through our own actions that we do..
If we want to truly be free..free to do what we want, free from hate and ill-feelings, free from poverty and oppression..then we must use our actions for that to happen..it doesn't just occur because some paper that was written in the late 1700's says that we have that right..it happens with everything that we do..as well as what other people do..
Now I can't always control the actions of other people..but I can make good use of my own actions to help create this freedom..plus it turns out that good actions are kinda like the flu or bubonic plague or even smallpox..so contagious you get it practically by just looking at the person who has it..by using good actions I get more freedom and then in exchange I can also help influence other people to do the same and we all end up with a much better world..
Now that's not too shabby of a plan..if I do say so myself..

Time..

Well as I sit here pondering the many choices that I have to make..I feel like one of the most important things I can choose is what I fill my time with..
The things of this world seem to come and go..for me the most important of these comings and goings is that one person I decide to spend the rest of time and eternity with..
I have been told that on a very sacred and special day I will have the opportunity to marry a lovely sister of my choice..but what is that phrase supposed to mean?
If it really was completely my choice then I could say to the next girl to walk by me, "Hey, I've chosen you to be my eternal love." At which point she would fall madly in love with me and we would begin all of the preparations necessary for such a joyous occasion..if only..but no it takes much more than that..
It takes the effort of my time in order to accomplish this..the woman whom I would want to choose more than any other would be one who is not only beautiful to me..she would know who she is and not let anyone else tell her differently..that is a beautiful woman who knows that she is a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, with the potential to become with me a perfect being..
That would be the greatest blessing in the whole world..but sometimes it seems like a very impossible thing to happen..
Not because of a woman though..it is because of my own faults and shortcomings that I feel that something so wonderful seems like such a distant dream only to come true in my wildest dreams..Every time I feel like I've met a wonderful girl that would be someone that I want to choose as my eternal companion, something says to me.."She deserves better than you.."
That thought has haunted me for a long time..it has been somewhat of a constant nagging thing that causes me to do something stupid when I do try and court this girl..
I choose to give up..I choose to use my time for something else..and before I know it..she's off with some other guy that is making her happy and is in my eyes a lot better than I could ever be..I can't but help being happy seeing her so happy, but it only leaves emptiness inside of me..an emptiness that doesn't seem to go away..
So now the real question comes..what will I choose to do with the time I've got..there's not much of it..only 7 days in a week..will I spend it in something that is seems fun and enjoyable at the time, but in the end leaves with nothing..?will I use it doing something noble like helping the poor and the needy..? will I use it to further my own education, that seems like a noble cause too..? Or will I use the little time I've got to find true happiness..? The choice is mine..if I want to be happy, not only for a short time, but for eternity..then I need to choose to use my time in doing something that is more fun and enjoyable than even video game..something that is more noble than going to school or even helping the poor..Not that any of this stuff isn't important and it is good to choose to do this with my time as well..but I need to choose to use the bulk of my time in doing something that will help to bring happiness to myself..happiness to a very special girl..as well as happiness for a family that would result in this choice as well..if I don't make the choice to use my time and energy on this very important thing then the future looks very dark indeed..
But now we come back to that very real problem..she deserves better than me..and an even more important question..how do I get over these feelings of self-doubt..?
That will have to be the work of the Lord in my life..through serving Him I can do anything..that as well needs to be a choice that I make..to serve him no matter what..and obey His commands, those in the scriptures as well as those coming from His living prophets and apostles..

My Support For Pres. Packer..

So I'm sitting here wondering why it's such a big deal that some of the things that Pres. Packer said are potentially harmful to the homosexual community..In my recollection of his wonderful talk I can think of nothing that was specifically directed at them..this was also one of my favorite talks of all of general conference, because of the hope it gave me in overcoming my own faults and "tendencies"..none of these tendencies happen to be related to a homosexual lifestyle..just in case you were wondering..
As far as the debate on the whole "I was born gay" just to put in my two cents..
After spending a long time in a foreign country where it is more socially acceptable to be openly gay than in my own I realized that it doesn't seem that any of the children I saw were any more likely than any other to be straight or gay..
I noticed that the boys that instead of going out with the other boys and doing "boy" things..you know climbing trees, catching frogs, and other such things..these boys instead were more content to stay and play with the other girls there age doing "girl" stuff..The boys that were like this were labeled as "gay" from the very onset..and therefore were more likely to believe and then become that way..This was no fault of they're own..society was the one that told them they were different from all the other boys..the same sort of thing would happen to a girl in a similar situation..
Now just because everyone around you is telling you you're supposed to be a certain thing and act a certain way doesn't mean that that will happen every single time..Some of the greatest men that I know would have been labeled as the "gay" boy growing up..but they chose not to listen to what the world was telling them..they instead chose to be the who they wanted to be, regardless of what the world was telling them..
I never have nor ever will encourage the discrimination of a person depending on their personal choices..just as has been stated over and over again, there is no sin in being tempted, only in acting on those temptations comes sin..for those of you that choose to use your agency in acting against the commands of God..I could never hate you any more than I could hate myself..but I also fear greatly for your happiness not only in this life but in the life to come..any kind of sexual relationship outside of marriage will eventually lead to bitterness and hate..this includes relationships before marriage, or with someone other than your own spouse, "relationships" with pornography, and yes even a homosexual one..