Freedom..

So the other day I was watching an episode of the letterman show after watching the nightly news..after the opening monologue given by letterman..the thought came to me.."they show this sort of stuff on tv and then people sit there and wonder why nobody likes the US.." I think that's our main problem right there..people have gotten so used to making fun of others that they sometimes don't even realize just how hurtful they are actually being..
When someone speaks out about this sort of stuff..the accused will then pull out that wonderful 1st amendment excuse and say that they can say and do whatever they want because of this..that in my opinion is one of the lamest excuses one can make..
They are pretty much saying that they can say and do whatever they want no matter how hurtful it is to others..now this protection of course doesn't extend to physically harming someone..and technically doesn't to emotional or mental harm..but how can anyone prove that emotional harm has occurred?
I guess what I'm trying to say that freedom isn't free..not just in the way it is obtained, through bloodshed and sacrifice..but it also comes through our own actions that we do..
If we want to truly be free..free to do what we want, free from hate and ill-feelings, free from poverty and oppression..then we must use our actions for that to happen..it doesn't just occur because some paper that was written in the late 1700's says that we have that right..it happens with everything that we do..as well as what other people do..
Now I can't always control the actions of other people..but I can make good use of my own actions to help create this freedom..plus it turns out that good actions are kinda like the flu or bubonic plague or even smallpox..so contagious you get it practically by just looking at the person who has it..by using good actions I get more freedom and then in exchange I can also help influence other people to do the same and we all end up with a much better world..
Now that's not too shabby of a plan..if I do say so myself..

Time..

Well as I sit here pondering the many choices that I have to make..I feel like one of the most important things I can choose is what I fill my time with..
The things of this world seem to come and go..for me the most important of these comings and goings is that one person I decide to spend the rest of time and eternity with..
I have been told that on a very sacred and special day I will have the opportunity to marry a lovely sister of my choice..but what is that phrase supposed to mean?
If it really was completely my choice then I could say to the next girl to walk by me, "Hey, I've chosen you to be my eternal love." At which point she would fall madly in love with me and we would begin all of the preparations necessary for such a joyous occasion..if only..but no it takes much more than that..
It takes the effort of my time in order to accomplish this..the woman whom I would want to choose more than any other would be one who is not only beautiful to me..she would know who she is and not let anyone else tell her differently..that is a beautiful woman who knows that she is a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, with the potential to become with me a perfect being..
That would be the greatest blessing in the whole world..but sometimes it seems like a very impossible thing to happen..
Not because of a woman though..it is because of my own faults and shortcomings that I feel that something so wonderful seems like such a distant dream only to come true in my wildest dreams..Every time I feel like I've met a wonderful girl that would be someone that I want to choose as my eternal companion, something says to me.."She deserves better than you.."
That thought has haunted me for a long time..it has been somewhat of a constant nagging thing that causes me to do something stupid when I do try and court this girl..
I choose to give up..I choose to use my time for something else..and before I know it..she's off with some other guy that is making her happy and is in my eyes a lot better than I could ever be..I can't but help being happy seeing her so happy, but it only leaves emptiness inside of me..an emptiness that doesn't seem to go away..
So now the real question comes..what will I choose to do with the time I've got..there's not much of it..only 7 days in a week..will I spend it in something that is seems fun and enjoyable at the time, but in the end leaves with nothing..?will I use it doing something noble like helping the poor and the needy..? will I use it to further my own education, that seems like a noble cause too..? Or will I use the little time I've got to find true happiness..? The choice is mine..if I want to be happy, not only for a short time, but for eternity..then I need to choose to use my time in doing something that is more fun and enjoyable than even video game..something that is more noble than going to school or even helping the poor..Not that any of this stuff isn't important and it is good to choose to do this with my time as well..but I need to choose to use the bulk of my time in doing something that will help to bring happiness to myself..happiness to a very special girl..as well as happiness for a family that would result in this choice as well..if I don't make the choice to use my time and energy on this very important thing then the future looks very dark indeed..
But now we come back to that very real problem..she deserves better than me..and an even more important question..how do I get over these feelings of self-doubt..?
That will have to be the work of the Lord in my life..through serving Him I can do anything..that as well needs to be a choice that I make..to serve him no matter what..and obey His commands, those in the scriptures as well as those coming from His living prophets and apostles..

My Support For Pres. Packer..

So I'm sitting here wondering why it's such a big deal that some of the things that Pres. Packer said are potentially harmful to the homosexual community..In my recollection of his wonderful talk I can think of nothing that was specifically directed at them..this was also one of my favorite talks of all of general conference, because of the hope it gave me in overcoming my own faults and "tendencies"..none of these tendencies happen to be related to a homosexual lifestyle..just in case you were wondering..
As far as the debate on the whole "I was born gay" just to put in my two cents..
After spending a long time in a foreign country where it is more socially acceptable to be openly gay than in my own I realized that it doesn't seem that any of the children I saw were any more likely than any other to be straight or gay..
I noticed that the boys that instead of going out with the other boys and doing "boy" things..you know climbing trees, catching frogs, and other such things..these boys instead were more content to stay and play with the other girls there age doing "girl" stuff..The boys that were like this were labeled as "gay" from the very onset..and therefore were more likely to believe and then become that way..This was no fault of they're own..society was the one that told them they were different from all the other boys..the same sort of thing would happen to a girl in a similar situation..
Now just because everyone around you is telling you you're supposed to be a certain thing and act a certain way doesn't mean that that will happen every single time..Some of the greatest men that I know would have been labeled as the "gay" boy growing up..but they chose not to listen to what the world was telling them..they instead chose to be the who they wanted to be, regardless of what the world was telling them..
I never have nor ever will encourage the discrimination of a person depending on their personal choices..just as has been stated over and over again, there is no sin in being tempted, only in acting on those temptations comes sin..for those of you that choose to use your agency in acting against the commands of God..I could never hate you any more than I could hate myself..but I also fear greatly for your happiness not only in this life but in the life to come..any kind of sexual relationship outside of marriage will eventually lead to bitterness and hate..this includes relationships before marriage, or with someone other than your own spouse, "relationships" with pornography, and yes even a homosexual one..