Time..

Well as I sit here pondering the many choices that I have to make..I feel like one of the most important things I can choose is what I fill my time with..
The things of this world seem to come and go..for me the most important of these comings and goings is that one person I decide to spend the rest of time and eternity with..
I have been told that on a very sacred and special day I will have the opportunity to marry a lovely sister of my choice..but what is that phrase supposed to mean?
If it really was completely my choice then I could say to the next girl to walk by me, "Hey, I've chosen you to be my eternal love." At which point she would fall madly in love with me and we would begin all of the preparations necessary for such a joyous occasion..if only..but no it takes much more than that..
It takes the effort of my time in order to accomplish this..the woman whom I would want to choose more than any other would be one who is not only beautiful to me..she would know who she is and not let anyone else tell her differently..that is a beautiful woman who knows that she is a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, with the potential to become with me a perfect being..
That would be the greatest blessing in the whole world..but sometimes it seems like a very impossible thing to happen..
Not because of a woman though..it is because of my own faults and shortcomings that I feel that something so wonderful seems like such a distant dream only to come true in my wildest dreams..Every time I feel like I've met a wonderful girl that would be someone that I want to choose as my eternal companion, something says to me.."She deserves better than you.."
That thought has haunted me for a long time..it has been somewhat of a constant nagging thing that causes me to do something stupid when I do try and court this girl..
I choose to give up..I choose to use my time for something else..and before I know it..she's off with some other guy that is making her happy and is in my eyes a lot better than I could ever be..I can't but help being happy seeing her so happy, but it only leaves emptiness inside of me..an emptiness that doesn't seem to go away..
So now the real question comes..what will I choose to do with the time I've got..there's not much of it..only 7 days in a week..will I spend it in something that is seems fun and enjoyable at the time, but in the end leaves with nothing..?will I use it doing something noble like helping the poor and the needy..? will I use it to further my own education, that seems like a noble cause too..? Or will I use the little time I've got to find true happiness..? The choice is mine..if I want to be happy, not only for a short time, but for eternity..then I need to choose to use my time in doing something that is more fun and enjoyable than even video game..something that is more noble than going to school or even helping the poor..Not that any of this stuff isn't important and it is good to choose to do this with my time as well..but I need to choose to use the bulk of my time in doing something that will help to bring happiness to myself..happiness to a very special girl..as well as happiness for a family that would result in this choice as well..if I don't make the choice to use my time and energy on this very important thing then the future looks very dark indeed..
But now we come back to that very real problem..she deserves better than me..and an even more important question..how do I get over these feelings of self-doubt..?
That will have to be the work of the Lord in my life..through serving Him I can do anything..that as well needs to be a choice that I make..to serve him no matter what..and obey His commands, those in the scriptures as well as those coming from His living prophets and apostles..